GUILTY TILL PROVEN INNOCENT

     

    None of us like to be lied to.  Sometimes relationships, marriages and even governments have been destroyed by vicious lies.  None of us truly want to believe that our children can lie to us.  The reality however our millennial children are master lairs.  Now you saying he is giving kids such a bad rap.  Think about it, they put up a facade in social media, they talk trash in games and they pretend to be something they are not on a daily basis.  Is this not in fact lying on all of those situations.

    Social media has presented our children with an opportunity to live a different life entirely online then they do in the real world.  Lying is what they do on a daily basis.  What may be worse is we have come to accept this as the norm.

    I cannot tell you the countless number of meetings with parents where they say my child never lies to me.  Really?  Since we have created an environment where our children are never allowed to fail would it not stand to reason they will do almost anything to prevent this from occurring.  Since we have not equipped them with the ability to handle adversity their number one weapon in this process is to lie.

    This really should come as no surprise to us because when we were 15 -21 we were also very skilled at lying.  How many of you remember telling your parents a story in hopes of getting us out of trouble.  Even little children develop this as a defense mechanism. “ Mom I did not steal the cookie it must have been Joey”

    Why then do we find ourselves so shocked when a millennial lies to get themselves out of a bind?  The problem is because of the protection we have given them from failure and the walls we have built around them their number one defense mechanism is to lie.  They also see it constantly on TV and other media.  Some people have made massive amounts of money or garnered tremendous political power their “Role Models” have made it the social norm to lie.

    Now that we can accept lying is a part of the millennials daily life plan how do we put this knowledge to good use to help us to better reach them?  Assume everything they are telling you when they are confronted with a problem is a lie first.  They are guilty till proven innocent.  You do not need to tell them that is what is going on however in your mind and heart you must realize this.

   Yes but this will ruin our trust issues.  Parental trust has been used by adolescents for centuries as a tool to get away with things they should not.  I am not telling you to stop trusting I am telling you to suspect and verify everything.  There is a difference.  Train them how to tell you the truth. They will not if you do not teach them correctly.  

    How many of us have told our kids they will get in less trouble if they tell us the truth only to let our anger force our hands.  In effect we are lying ourselves and teaching them the wrong thing entirely.

    For those of you like me have already passed the age where we can put the toothpaste back in this is way of thinking is critical.  Our young adults are in a world filled with addictions including the horrible opioid epidemic.  If your young adult has been involved at all with drug issues while growing up all the more reason to believe guilty till proven innocent.

    I am not promoting throwing out trust, what I am saying is we need to nurture that trust relationship and for the sake of the children help them understand lying is not the right answer.

 

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